I don't have room for this one in my portfolio but I still quite like it so am putting it here.




Movement.
Step forty five degrees,
Block.
Sweep the back leg round.
Keep your posture.
Get in close
Take their balance
Take out their leg
Finish them.
Are you now safe?

Nonononononononononononono not fair. Just not fair.  

Do you remember that sock? The one I was heartbroken over so many journals back? I still have not found it. :(

 Ok, my poetry teacher is hated by the majority of people. So I am curious as to what people expect from poetry. Or what people look for in poetry that they may have liked. 

Sorry, no snappy title today. This is because I feel absolute crap. I woke up this morning with massive chest pains, headache, a cough and severe cramps. And I thought no I am going to Jitsu anyway its only 8am all this will fade...Well the chest pains did. I drank some tea with honey to try and ease my cough, then drank some body fuel lucazade in order to give myself some energy. It didn't work...well it sort of did. I managed to get through it fine but I failed at just about everything. I still can't roll, I punch offcentre and on top of that I couldn't get my co-ordination right. So I felt shit. I actually, pathetically, nearly started crying on the mat. Anyways afterwards we went to wagamamas which definitely made me feel better. Then I got home, still with the pain of the start of the day except now with added Jitsu pain of which there was lots. Then my parents decided winding me up and generally have a go at me for various things would be fun. So at that point I did cry. I went to my room to do it alone though. Then I decided to pick myself up and read some manga, Skip Beat update FTW. OMG I am so excited about the plot atm and can't wait for the next update. I have a horrible addiction to 'come dine with me' its quite bad. And there is a vegan on today's one that is making me think. But someone is making vodka jelly :P. I need to tidy my room. Do some uni work. Just generally some useful. But no I thought I would rant instead ¬¬. 

 Starting uni for the second time and already it looks better. The reading list is good and so are the people. 
The main reason I have decided to update my journal after what seems like ages is because I have an epically big series planned. It has shape-shifters, vampires and many gods. It seems to me to be paranormal romance which I don't think anyone should really be surprised about. 
It will probs start with Kyle who is lovely compared to some of my angstier characters and his girl Renee. Then it shall swap to Thel who is a vamp with his girl Adina. Then Eve and someone who I do not know the name of as he is very angry and refuses to tell me anything ¬¬. Then its Layla and Kael.  
So thats four books....which is a little daunting and only the beginning O_O. 
I would say more but my paranoia of copyright keeps me quiet. I am very excited to write all these. 

too hot....I'm going to florida and right now england is too hot. *sigh*

She didn’t know why this option seemed like the best to her. It just did. Everything seemed to weigh on her like the world. She wanted to pretend she was strong that she could reach out and understand her friends when they said they loved her. When they said they wanted her. But she couldn’t. She heard them mock her. She heard them only be with her so they wouldn’t have to face the responsibility of wanting her to go away. It was harsh but she knew it was the truth. It had to be.

                Everything was so hard. Everyday seemed to take every ounce of strength and she didn’t even want it. Who did? Life? A series of miseries that rotted at what was once a decent soul. Ripping an innocent girl to pieces till she was nothing but the clothes she wore and the face she showed the world. She felt like she didn’t belong, like she was an alien on her own planet, even amoungst her friends she felt unnatural. Everything she thought was calculated, decided, mulled upon, she didn’t know her true self because everything she did was so methodical. Every action so controlled that nothing was true to her nature. And even then she made so many mistakes that if she was accountable to all of them she would have died a long time ago.

                Too many times she over-reacted, too many times she over stepped her position. Reached out for help in the wrong direction and only received a slap on her hand for her efforts. What was left? She had tried. Twenty years she had tried. If nothing happened now when was it going to? If life couldn’t produce anything to make her want to live then why should she give it all she had. She was empty and soulless and her existence was black and barren. Death could not be any worse.

                She was sick of closing her eyes and waiting for death to descend. It was not going to happen. She was healthy, she was…vibrant, she was young. Death was not going to come get her.

                She had walked on her own, away from her friends to go down dark alleys at two in the morning, she had gone off deliberately advertising herself to prowlers. Wanting them to come and find her but none of them did. They always chose someone who wanted to live.

                This was it.

                She kept throwing the pills back. Apparently this was a really painful way to die. But it didn’t matter; this is the only way she could be sure she wouldn’t get cold feet. She had been worried for so long over the pain, that was all. If she had known a painless way to die she would have embraced it long ago. Oh well. She put on ‘Stardust’ her favourite movie and lay back on the bed. Her end was coming. She smiled.

                She almost fell asleep but then her phone went off.

                I’m sorry it took so long for me to tell you, but I love you. Will you be mine? Jessie x

                Her heat leapt into her throat. He loved her back? He actually loved her back. She felt happiness. It spread to every corner of her body. Then the pain started. She remembered what she had done. But It was too late. It was a fire in her body.

                It was over.

I don't come across this problem often wearing odd socks the way I do. But when I wear long socks I like them to match. Is it the washing basket? No. With the other socks? No. In the pj draw? No. Big fat stinking no. 

Anyway on to what I actually want to talk about in this journal. I've now point blank given up on the publisher I was relying on. He was suposed to get back to me a month and a half ago. So pants to that. I have discovered that Atom who publish quite a few of my fave teen fantasy books such as Scott Westerfeld's midnighters and  is a branch from Little Brown Book publishers which also has Piaktus as a branch and they publish the Dark-Hunter series and the Carpathian series. Another branch of them is Orbit which publishes the Anita Blake series and the black Magician trilogy.

It is the publisher responsible for just about all of my favourite books bar a few. So guess who I'm going to try next? If this fails then I'm going to go looking for agents. But Atom do take unsolicted work but it will be up to 8 weeks before I hear from them O_O. But If there is ink in the printer downstairs this shall be put in motion today at least.
 
On the bright side I have finished my Skip Beat baby and have got the most lovely reviews for it. The penultimate chapter made people cry and one person threw something at their computer. The last chapter has the best reviews ever, one person said that normally something so cheesy would make her puke but I had wrote it so well she didn't even notice!
Someone quote a bit of it back to be and said that her mother liked it when her mother doesn't like anything. Another said I almost killed her because she burst out laughing while eating food and started choking!

I don't care what anyone says the best feeling in the world is knowing people have loved your writing. I don't know about anyone else but I always put my entire heart into what I write. I am of the belief you have to feel it yourself as you write it or your readers won't. I laugh at the bits I try to make funny, cry at the sad bits etc...Cause if I can't get emotion from myself how am I suposed to do the same for someone else?
So I put everything I have everytime I write, even the one-shots. To have 13 awesome reviews on this chapter just makes me so happy.

Love to all xxxx

Fandom: Tsubasa
Pairing: KuroFai
Rating: 14 +

 Sam-i-am-89 started a challenge in which she wrote a fanfiction one-shot for the songs that came on when she put her music on shuffle. I decided to give it a go and the song that came on was 'Fade into you' by Mazzy Star which inevitably led me to writing a one-shot with this pairing.

I really should start actually posting on here. I can't be bothered to put all my fanfictions on here but for random oneshots then it might be a good idea. Also I'm going to use this as a place to inform people on how getting published is going and how writing in general is going for me so as not to clog up my dev journal with stuff that really shouldn't be there.

Ok. So. I have been rejected. Breaks my heart to say and I kid your not when I say I cried for an hour straight when I found out. I was so close only to trip at the final shiny hurdle. Roisin Heycock head of Quercus children's publishing says she likes it and that its very raw and passionate. She thinks both Tru and Falcon come across very real and that their relationship is compelling. However teenage fantasy is a horrible genre to try and get into and she thinks the market is rather convoluted at the moment and so is not sure it will sell. That's the thing with sci-fi/fantasy it either gains fanatic fans or it gathers dust on the shelf. There is not much of an inbetween there.

Anyway she recommended an agent for me to try. I'm going to go and email Christopher Machlehose as he said he would be willing to find me another editor of Roisin was unable to. So I'll find out if he is going to do that or if I should try this random agent.

Also Roisin offered for the next time i'm in london to go and have coffee with her. That won't be till may. So I suggested that I came down at the start of march. So yes a sort of random day trip to London. I think I have to do it in order to find out exactly what she thinks of my writing.

This made friday a rather sad day but my driving instructor Alan Wall cheered me up by saying the real success storied in the world come from sheer grit and determination. If I try hard enough and long enough I shall be published!

A poem I wrote a few years ago and one of the one of the few that I have written that I actually like.

 

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