Metal Skirts and Man Tights

I will

2009-12-22T16:56:06Z

I will be a successfully published writer.
I will get better at fitness, rolls and attacking.
I will get a higher belt.
I will complete my degree with a decent grade.
I will become financially stable.
I will be able to guitar along with my singing.
I will continue to love those closest to me
I will continue to fight for all I want.

And when things get tough, when it seems I really can't get up this mountain I chose.
I will re-read this.
I will be stronger.

xxx

Kya is not a Kya

2009-12-06T17:21:55Z

This is definitely going to be mixed journal. Some happy and some horrible bits.
In my seminar's I always witter on about crap sandwiches so let's make this into one. Something good something bad something good.

First thing, I have my yellow belt. No mons though :(. I am entirely chuffed with myself, I had nothing to eat on the friday night and what I ate in the morning I threw up. So I literally had no energy for a grading which takes four hours. I then injured my neck really badly so much so I was apparently shaking. But I ignored it the best I could and continued with the rest of the grading. I got punched in the face and got hit in the head with the screwy bit of a bottle. Also my elbow has like four different bruises on it. So yay me for getting my belt!

Right now wingey time. I had a horrible day on friday. Writing is suposed to be the thing I'm good at. Everything else I do I do ok. But I am good at writing. Apparently not. Friday was my day to bring my work into the seminar to be read by everyone and have them critique it. I knew I would have mixed reviews by going with paranormal romance, but that shouldn't matter. People should be able to critique any sort of writing regardless of subject matter. Some of the guys just didn't bother 'don't like the genre' and that was it. Which is annoying since I gave them worthwhile comments. But what was worse was the teacher also didn't like the genre and stated that I had too much in too short a length, there was too much dialogue and the reactions were fake. The first point is fair enough, I compressed what i was writing so that it was well rounded rather then being a thousand words then nothing. The second i think is unfair when it is an extract of a novel. And the last point she did mention that the reactions were possibly accurate given what might have happened previously, but because she had no knowledge of that it looked fake. So she told me to scrap the whole thing. I was the only one to have been told that to. And as everything leading up to that point of the week had been crap i started to well up. But did she stop talking? No, she kept driving home how crap it was. Which did make me cry. Then a guy made a stupid joke about it which made everyone laugh which made me feel even more shit cause there is everyone thinking i am a joke. I am the punchline to my own life dream.

Later at swing bridge, which Jonty was running, stupid idiot members were constantly talking and he was struggling keeping them quiet. So I tried to help him by aiding in the 'will you please all shut up' and that resulted in them calling me various names to each other and generally laughing at me. So I feel like quitting swing bridge now because why be part of something where all my efforts to get progress results in getting people being horrible to me?

So that is the end of my shittyness though it may not seem like alot to anyone, these things mean alot to me. So the being crap and a joke sucks a lot.

Now to complete the sandwich. My mam came home from portugal today and bought me a woolly hat! I like this alot. Plus busking was successful in a money sort of way. And good conversations with people. So. I am going to re-write my assignment now.

Love to you all xxx

O soto gari

2009-11-23T15:13:40Z

I don't have room for this one in my portfolio but I still quite like it so am putting it here.

Movement.
Step forty five degrees,
Block.
Sweep the back leg round.
Keep your posture.
Get in close
Take their balance
Take out their leg
Finish them.
Are you now safe?

No

2009-11-04T22:25:31Z

Nonononononononononononono not fair. Just not fair.

Mourning

2009-11-03T17:10:00Z

Do you remember that sock? The one I was heartbroken over so many journals back? I still have not found it. :(

Question - What do you expect from poetry?

2009-10-28T09:59:10Z

Ok, my poetry teacher is hated by the majority of people. So I am curious as to what people expect from poetry. Or what people look for in poetry that they may have liked.

Rawr

2009-10-24T16:36:53Z

Sorry, no snappy title today. This is because I feel absolute crap. I woke up this morning with massive chest pains, headache, a cough and severe cramps. And I thought no I am going to Jitsu anyway its only 8am all this will fade...Well the chest pains did. I drank some tea with honey to try and ease my cough, then drank some body fuel lucazade in order to give myself some energy. It didn't work...well it sort of did. I managed to get through it fine but I failed at just about everything. I still can't roll, I punch offcentre and on top of that I couldn't get my co-ordination right. So I felt shit. I actually, pathetically, nearly started crying on the mat. Anyways afterwards we went to wagamamas which definitely made me feel better. Then I got home, still with the pain of the start of the day except now with added Jitsu pain of which there was lots. Then my parents decided winding me up and generally have a go at me for various things would be fun. So at that point I did cry. I went to my room to do it alone though. Then I decided to pick myself up and read some manga, Skip Beat update FTW. OMG I am so excited about the plot atm and can't wait for the next update. I have a horrible addiction to 'come dine with me' its quite bad. And there is a vegan on today's one that is making me think. But someone is making vodka jelly :P. I need to tidy my room. Do some uni work. Just generally some useful. But no I thought I would rant instead ¬¬.

Uni and Plots

2009-09-21T19:32:06Z

Starting uni for the second time and already it looks better. The reading list is good and so are the people.
The main reason I have decided to update my journal after what seems like ages is because I have an epically big series planned. It has shape-shifters, vampires and many gods. It seems to me to be paranormal romance which I don't think anyone should really be surprised about.
It will probs start with Kyle who is lovely compared to some of my angstier characters and his girl Renee. Then it shall swap to Thel who is a vamp with his girl Adina. Then Eve and someone who I do not know the name of as he is very angry and refuses to tell me anything ¬¬. Then its Layla and Kael.
So thats four books....which is a little daunting and only the beginning O_O.
I would say more but my paranoia of copyright keeps me quiet. I am very excited to write all these.

writerofshadows @ 2009-08-10T20:28:00

2009-08-10T19:42:39Z

too hot....I'm going to florida and right now england is too hot. *sigh*

Over

2009-06-24T23:20:06Z

She didn’t know why this option seemed like the best to her. It just did. Everything seemed to weigh on her like the world. She wanted to pretend she was strong that she could reach out and understand her friends when they said they loved her. When they said they wanted her. But she couldn’t. She heard them mock her. She heard them only be with her so they wouldn’t have to face the responsibility of wanting her to go away. It was harsh but she knew it was the truth. It had to be.

Everything was so hard. Everyday seemed to take every ounce of strength and she didn’t even want it. Who did? Life? A series of miseries that rotted at what was once a decent soul. Ripping an innocent girl to pieces till she was nothing but the clothes she wore and the face she showed the world. She felt like she didn’t belong, like she was an alien on her own planet, even amoungst her friends she felt unnatural. Everything she thought was calculated, decided, mulled upon, she didn’t know her true self because everything she did was so methodical. Every action so controlled that nothing was true to her nature. And even then she made so many mistakes that if she was accountable to all of them she would have died a long time ago.

Too many times she over-reacted, too many times she over stepped her position. Reached out for help in the wrong direction and only received a slap on her hand for her efforts. What was left? She had tried. Twenty years she had tried. If nothing happened now when was it going to? If life couldn’t produce anything to make her want to live then why should she give it all she had. She was empty and soulless and her existence was black and barren. Death could not be any worse.

She was sick of closing her eyes and waiting for death to descend. It was not going to happen. She was healthy, she was…vibrant, she was young. Death was not going to come get her.

She had walked on her own, away from her friends to go down dark alleys at two in the morning, she had gone off deliberately advertising herself to prowlers. Wanting them to come and find her but none of them did. They always chose someone who wanted to live.

This was it.

She kept throwing the pills back. Apparently this was a really painful way to die. But it didn’t matter; this is the only way she could be sure she wouldn’t get cold feet. She had been worried for so long over the pain, that was all. If she had known a painless way to die she would have embraced it long ago. Oh well. She put on ‘Stardust’ her favourite movie and lay back on the bed. Her end was coming. She smiled.

She almost fell asleep but then her phone went off.

I’m sorry it took so long for me to tell you, but I love you. Will you be mine? Jessie x

Her heat leapt into her throat. He loved her back? He actually loved her back. She felt happiness. It spread to every corner of her body. Then the pain started. She remembered what she had done. But It was too late. It was a fire in her body.

It was over.

A lost sock is heartbreaking

2009-06-12T09:59:10Z

I don't come across this problem often wearing odd socks the way I do. But when I wear long socks I like them to match. Is it the washing basket? No. With the other socks? No. In the pj draw? No. Big fat stinking no.

Anyway on to what I actually want to talk about in this journal. I've now point blank given up on the publisher I was relying on. He was suposed to get back to me a month and a half ago. So pants to that. I have discovered that Atom who publish quite a few of my fave teen fantasy books such as Scott Westerfeld's midnighters and is a branch from Little Brown Book publishers which also has Piaktus as a branch and they publish the Dark-Hunter series and the Carpathian series. Another branch of them is Orbit which publishes the Anita Blake series and the black Magician trilogy.

It is the publisher responsible for just about all of my favourite books bar a few. So guess who I'm going to try next? If this fails then I'm going to go looking for agents. But Atom do take unsolicted work but it will be up to 8 weeks before I hear from them O_O. But If there is ink in the printer downstairs this shall be put in motion today at least.

On the bright side I have finished my Skip Beat baby and have got the most lovely reviews for it. The penultimate chapter made people cry and one person threw something at their computer. The last chapter has the best reviews ever, one person said that normally something so cheesy would make her puke but I had wrote it so well she didn't even notice!
Someone quote a bit of it back to be and said that her mother liked it when her mother doesn't like anything. Another said I almost killed her because she burst out laughing while eating food and started choking!

I don't care what anyone says the best feeling in the world is knowing people have loved your writing. I don't know about anyone else but I always put my entire heart into what I write. I am of the belief you have to feel it yourself as you write it or your readers won't. I laugh at the bits I try to make funny, cry at the sad bits etc...Cause if I can't get emotion from myself how am I suposed to do the same for someone else?
So I put everything I have everytime I write, even the one-shots. To have 13 awesome reviews on this chapter just makes me so happy.

Love to all xxxx

Fade into you

2009-02-16T23:59:19Z

Fandom: Tsubasa
Pairing: KuroFai
Rating: 14 +

Sam-i-am-89 started a challenge in which she wrote a fanfiction one-shot for the songs that came on when she put her music on shuffle. I decided to give it a go and the song that came on was 'Fade into you' by Mazzy Star which inevitably led me to writing a one-shot with this pairing.

You look the same as always, a big smile across your face and a smile in your eye. It’s like a sheet of glass. From a distance it reflects outwards, joy and happiness that was once a shimmery blue. But if you only look closer you can see through to the other side. It becomes sharp, endless in its intensity and pain. You think I don’t notice it. Do you think I’m stupid, like all those nicknames you gave me? I never thought I would actually miss the day you called me Kuro-chan or Kuro-rin or even Kuro-pipi. My name has never sounded so wrong than the way you say it now, laced with regret and sorrow. If only changing my name would stop you saying it that way I would do it in a second.

There’s that smile of yours again perfectly formed on your lips as you pat Syaoran on the head. We have seen your past why do you continue to hide it? Do you think if you keep pretending it didn’t happen that we would forget? How can we when we saw what it caused you to do, or how much it has ruled over your entire existence? I would do anything it took if I could somehow make you understand that you are not to blame for wretched curses caused by others. It was never your fault you got twisted up in their plans.

Syaoran needs to rest now and you need to feed. Your skin looks like translucent silk with the threads of your veins decorating the surface, calling out for more. Maybe if you weren’t wearing black I might not have been able to tell how white your skin was, but then again I’ve never missed it yet. Will you ever stop being so reluctant to accept your new life? I know you hate every moment of it, you hate that you were saved, that you survive off me, you hate having hurt Sakura and you hate that you can’t fix it all. But where is your hate going to get you? How come you can’t love yourself the way we all do?

‘Night Kurogane-san,’ Syaoran calls in my direction with a slight wave of his hand. He takes Mokona with him and now all that’s left is you and me. Your smile falters but only for a moment. You tug off your top, pulling the loose fabric over your head. It lands crumpled on the floor. I can tell you intend to go straight to sleep. Will you ever come to me for blood or will I always have to offer it? Your skin looks like luminous perfection in the dimmed light. I can almost see a ghost of your once phoenix tattoo.

‘Fai.’ I say it simply. You stop moving and refuse to look in my direction. Do you think that will make a difference? We survive together, why will you not accept this? I think it’s strange you never knew why I did this? Can you not tell the reason I saved you was not just because you were my friend? It wasn’t because I didn’t want to see the kids unhappy. I wanted to save you completely. If I was a true friend I may have let you die, it’s what you wanted and you would have been granted peace. You would be calm for first time in your life. Finally laying your head down and resting without pain. But I am and was too selfish for that. I wanted you to exist. I didn’t want my life to not have you in it.

I accepted the price so easily. Always living off my blood, that’s the only way I would have wanted it. I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle you drinking anyone else’s. It’s strange you never knew that wasn’t so much as a price as another gift. Yûko probably knew that, it wouldn’t surprise me. I think sometimes she feels pain always having to ask for a price when sometimes she herself just wants to help. But we are bound by our roles in this and not from our own doing. We are no more responsible for this than a child is for killing a mouse his mother told him to.

‘Fai.’ I say it again not wanting to say what needs to be said when you are still trying futilely to ignore me. You shiver and I can tell you body wants what I’m offering as much as you don’t. Up until I always waited until you came to me. I would call you, you would refuse, I’d call you again you would finally come to me and I would cut my skin and let you drink. But tonight I don’t want that. If we keep playing it that way nothing will ever change. You will never accept yourself. You’ll come apart and go black, just like your eye.

I get up from the bed I was sitting on and make my way across to you. I know you can hear me even if you don’t react. I feel the tension and regret radiating from you. As I reach where you are standing you start to move towards the door. Do you really think you can escape this, this twisted destiny we have found ourselves in? I guess you do. I wish you didn’t.

Before you reach the door I grab your hand, hoping that it somehow reaches to the heart inside of you. Your hand is cold. Is that because you need my blood or do you just refuse to look after yourself at all? A deep breath and you turn to look at me. I thought your eye colour would have made a difference to me. I loved your ice blue eyes. But I still love your eye even without the blue, though I wish I could see something in it that wasn’t just pain. Wasn’t you just hoping for a way out.

‘You need to feed.’ I wished I could think of some other way to phrase it. A way in which you wouldn’t flinch and turn away, but instead turn to me. ‘Fai.’ I didn’t want to cut myself. I wanted your fangs to pierce my skin. Would I actually ever say that? No. It could be a way of helping you accept it. You look at me as if willing me to not say your name anymore. My hand feels magnetised to you, I want to touch your face, run my fingers through your hair. But my hand doesn’t move. I want to capture your breath with my lips. Yet I stay still. I think it’s strange you never knew how much I always wanted this. ‘You need strength if we’re going to take on Fei Wing Reed.’ That’s it, you’ll drink for the strength to save others but never for the strength to save yourself.

You turn fully to me, our bodies are only about an inch apart.

‘The knife?’ You say it quietly.

‘You don’t need it.’ I spoke firmly turning my head to the side revealing my neck completely to you. This is yours. You tremble, the confusion rippling over your skin. You don’t want to do it, pierce my skin yourself and take what you want. But the vampire in you is drawn to the blood it craves. Go on. The more you fight yourself the harder it is for you. Let your vampire side take over and give into the bloodlust. Once you accept it you’ll be able to heal.

You move slowly closer, I can feel a ghost of your breath along the vein. Bizarrely enough even though it makes me shiver it also tickles slightly and I have to resist the urge to either pull away or push your mouth fully against my neck. I also fight back the desire to run my hands over your chest and feel your skin in a way that isn’t just to heal a wound.

My black sleeveless shirt allows our skin to touch as your grab a hold of my shoulders to steady yourself. My expression is as blank as normal; I won’t encourage you anymore in this. I don’t want you to hate me. I want you to love me. But that is one wish where the price would be higher than everything in heaven and earth. And besides it’s not something I would ever want magic to create. It’s my secret wish and I will make sure no one finds out about it.

Your teeth are pressing against my skin begging to move just a little further. You’re so hesitant but it’s useless. Now you’re this close you are completely lost. Fai you must accept this. This stranger inside of you that beats within your heart, become one with him because if you don’t I will lose you into darkness.

As your teeth finally pierce my skin I gasp in a mix of pain and pleasure. I never knew I was such a masochist. If you weren’t so close to me I would have never felt how much you were enjoying it yourself. Did you know you had an interwoven streak of sadism and masochism? My heart beat is beginning to pound loudly in my ears and I seem to be able to hear yours as well. They are completely in synch. How did that happen? Is this what happens when a vampire feeds, is it just us, am I imagining it? It drowns out everything.

A moment ago I had complete control over my movements but that is lost in the complete hypnosis of the drumming of our hearts. I know my blood is leaving me and into you. Technically this means I’m dying but for some reason dying in your arms like this is possibly the best way to go. Though I would be gutted I couldn’t stay with this journey till the very end. It’s weird, everything about this is so physical yet I feel like I’m in a place that is completely incorporeal. I’m completely fading into you. No longer you and me. Just us.

Each breath is shallow and fast but each second seems to last for eternity. Your nails dig into my upper arms and the pain somehow melts into the sensation.The sharp agony of loneliness as you stop and withdraw from me is almost too much to bear. Every part of my body wants to be against yours. But something stops me.

I know that we both are physically ready to continue with this but unlike me you feel shame for your desire. The guilt and disgust is all I can see in your face as you look up at me. A slight trickle of blood rolls down my chest and I finally start to feel lightheaded. I sway then stumble, you took more than you usually do and you realise it then too. It only elevates your regret. You have a single tear that runs down your cheek as you turn away from me.

As you leave my heart screams for me to chase after you to kiss you to tell you that it’s all ok. But I don’t move. I keep my composure and my dignity even though I stole yours. I clench my fists to keep from moving.

You sleep in this room with me so I don’t know where you are going.

Will you come back?

I say I did this for you but I didn’t did I? I covered up my desire with pretence of your welfare. Then I let you walk away with the blame. But I just cannot follow you. I need you but I also need my strength and pride. If I chased you now I would lose them. So I hope you will forgive me.

All I want is to fade into you.

It’s strange you never knew.

Warning: I've had a thought

2009-02-16T20:11:16Z

I really should start actually posting on here. I can't be bothered to put all my fanfictions on here but for random oneshots then it might be a good idea. Also I'm going to use this as a place to inform people on how getting published is going and how writing in general is going for me so as not to clog up my dev journal with stuff that really shouldn't be there.

Ok. So. I have been rejected. Breaks my heart to say and I kid your not when I say I cried for an hour straight when I found out. I was so close only to trip at the final shiny hurdle. Roisin Heycock head of Quercus children's publishing says she likes it and that its very raw and passionate. She thinks both Tru and Falcon come across very real and that their relationship is compelling. However teenage fantasy is a horrible genre to try and get into and she thinks the market is rather convoluted at the moment and so is not sure it will sell. That's the thing with sci-fi/fantasy it either gains fanatic fans or it gathers dust on the shelf. There is not much of an inbetween there.

Anyway she recommended an agent for me to try. I'm going to go and email Christopher Machlehose as he said he would be willing to find me another editor of Roisin was unable to. So I'll find out if he is going to do that or if I should try this random agent.

Also Roisin offered for the next time i'm in london to go and have coffee with her. That won't be till may. So I suggested that I came down at the start of march. So yes a sort of random day trip to London. I think I have to do it in order to find out exactly what she thinks of my writing.

This made friday a rather sad day but my driving instructor Alan Wall cheered me up by saying the real success storied in the world come from sheer grit and determination. If I try hard enough and long enough I shall be published!

Strange

2008-10-08T17:04:26Z

A poem I wrote a few years ago and one of the one of the few that I have written that I actually like.

Strange,

This horror we live in,

It captivates, draws us in.

But for what use?

The horrors won’t stay dormant,

And our love reeks with torment.

Why do we live?

When all around is a mess,

And death strikes at a guess.

What wills us on?

So much darkness in front of our eyes,

So much knowledge hidden from the wise.

Is their love real?

The future is bleak

Give death to the weak.

The motto of life?

How can you go on living well?

Out there walks horrors of hell

They stalk life.

Doesn’t matter if you’re something

In the end you’ll always be nothing,

Is that True?

Nothing stops you from the dying pain,

Can you be strong and still remain,

Despite the hopelessness?

I cannot see hope or a slither of light,

I cannot see relief in the deepest night.

Why go on?

No denying the love I have in this instant?

But what about later when they’re all distant?

Where will be love?

We can all see these dark thoughts are true,

But we live in the now as most mortals do,

Ignore the dark.

Cause it won’t ignore you.

Chocolate Kiss

2008-10-07T16:32:45Z

Fandom: Death Note
                Pairing: Matt/Mello
                Rating: 14+

This was written for a good friend of mine for her birthday.

The lights of the video game blurred in front of Matt’s eyes as he threw down the controller. Stupid game; wasn’t worth his time anyway. He sighed as he looked back to the surveillance monitors. Nothing interesting was happening, which wasn’t a big surprise, nothing interesting every happened. He didn’t think hunting down a self proclaimed god would be so boring. But here it was, utter dullness at its very best. Not that he minded sitting on his butt for hours on end, in fact he quite preferred it to anything else: controller in hand, cigarette in mouth, what more could you ask for? To not have to keep an eye on the most lack lustre human beings on the planet, that’s what! You’d think at least one of them would get laid, or have a fight, domestic row maybe. But no, they never did, too busy trying to keep their identities a secret in order to find Kira, when it was far more likely Kira was one of them. Why didn’t they see that? Matt was third in Wammy’s orphanage behind Mello and Near, which meant he didn’t even come close to surpassing L, not that he particularly wanted to, but even he knew Kira was one of them.

He really couldn’t understand how these people managed to leave such boring lives. Ok, so he didn’t have the most interesting life either...But he had a lot of video games and guns. They didn’t even have that much. All they had was their task force. He felt like ordering one of them a prostitute just to make the viewing more entertaining, even if they kicked her out on her ass it would still be better than the drivel he had to monitor now. Though, he had a feeling Mello wouldn’t be too pleased with that, interference with the objective and all.

Speaking of his femininely male boss, where was he? Wasn’t he supposed back by now after gathering the information he needed for the kidnapping? Matt looked around the monitors to see if he could see the man on one of them, but found nothing. The same old nothing. Boring and dull nothing. Argh! He hit his head of the armchair; he was going to go insane if something exciting didn’t happen soon.

‘Matt...?’ He looked up to see the so called bass entering the room and looking at him in a rather perplexed manner. ‘Insanity will not help our cause.’ Matt’s patience became even more thin, all the guy could think about was the cause: beating Near...beating Near...beating damn stupid Near! The man needed one huge-ass distraction. He looked up at the blonde and his thoughts of annoyance significantly dimmed when he remembered how beautiful his boss looked. He didn’t care about the scar over the left side of his face; in fact he thought it suited him more that way. It was the imperfections after all that made people interesting. Perfection was boring, dull and needed to be hit with a sledge hammer.

Mello moved further into the room and Matt’s eyes focused completely on the somewhat feline movements. Noticing each ripple of clothing, that didn’t happen very often because of the skin tight leather. He knew he was attracted to him, he had been for a few years but he had never made a move on it. No, Mello was far too distracted with Kira and Near for Matt to even think of making a move towards him. But it never stopped him watching, admiring.

But now Matt was bored. Matt wanted excitement. Matt wanted Mello.

‘I’m going to go out again and check some things, keep an eye on the monitors especially the one outside Takeda’s building,’ Mello stated grabbing a chocolate bar as he turned to leave.

Perfect, Matt needed time and space to think this through carefully. How was he going to get Mello? He would be blind and probably a little offended at ordinary advances. He could probably start stripping and all Mello would do is sit there and eat chocolate. Thus, he needed to look at Mello’s interests. He was fanatical about the death note. Matt had a sudden thought of himself lying on a bed naked with a death note covering his penis. That...wouldn’t work. One, they didn’t have a death note in possession. Two, he was unsure what side effects might happen to his favourite appendage if he put the death note on top of it. There was always the fact Mello obsessively tried to beat Near; but Matt didn’t see how Near on top of him would help anybody.

He was thinking too far ahead he realised. He loved Mello, he was his friend, his boss and he someone he admired greatly. He knew what he wanted and would do anything to get it, Matt had respect for that. He would die for the man and he knew that was how this whole scenario with Kira was likely to end. But that aside, it seemed logical to him seeing as he already loved Mello and was attracted to him to have sex with the guy. But those were his feelings not Mello’s. Mello didn’t even love him as a friend and he doubted the man was attracted to him. So, everything would have to be done slowly. Kiss. That’s what he was aiming for. If Matt could manage that he could draw Mello in. Smooth sailing from there...almost.

So, how to lure Mello. Other than the death note and Near...what else could entice the striking blonde. The answer seemed to scream in his ears. Chocolate. An almost wicked grin appeared to form across Matt’s face as his plan formed in his head. First, hide all the chocolate. He went on an escapade around the house searching for all the chocolate. The kitchen was his first target and it had about twenty bars worth which he stashed quickly into the bag he was carrying. He went through all the rooms doing the same thing. He wasn’t sure to be disturbed or not that Mello kept a chocolate bar on the shelf in his shower. He decided not to think too much on it.

He went back to the surveillance room/ his bedroom to check on the monitors. Everything appeared as normal as ever and he went back to work on his master plan. He stashed the chocolate in the wardrobe in amongst his surplus supply of stripy jumpers. Quick glance again to the monitors, everything boring. He left a row of chocolate on the side, three segments exactly. That would be enough. All he had to do now was wait. Oh...and keep an eye on the tedious screens.

The door clicked and Matt smiled. Mello would have finished that chocolate he took with him and would be on the hunt for another bar. True enough Matt could hear Mello shuffling and the cupboards banging. Matt could tell he was starting to get annoyed by the increase in volume of his search for chocolate.

Matt picked up the row of chocolate he had left out and put the first segment in his mouth so the other two stick out. Any minute now he thought to himself. Mello burst through the door the expression on his face demanding where all his chocolate was. His eye narrowed on Matt and the piece of chocolate in his mouth. He couldn’t help the shiver that ran down his spine as Mello looked on him like he was his prey. Eyeing up the chocolate and him simultaneously. Matt had always wondered how serious the chocolate addiction was. Was it close to weed in the sense he would become miserable and stressed when he didn’t have it? Was it like his smoking where he would be ready to kill something if he went too long without it? Or was it more like heroine and he was going to be reduced to full blown insanity? The way Mello looked at him now made him believe it was closest to the latter.

Mello stalked closed. Matt suddenly realised he might not actually live through this, yet it didn’t seem to bother him as he quite liked the way the older man was starting to circle him like a wolf. A very sexy blonde wolf with extraordinary leather pants. His heart was beating so loud in his ears he barely heard the clink of Mello’s chains as he moved closer to him. His breath hitched and he nearly choked on the chocolate. He just had to hold his ground. That’s all. His raging heart beat told him that that was a lot harder than his brain was trying to imply. He wondered briefly if his plan would back fire and he would just end up a bloody corpse on the floor.

The gap between them had become significantly smaller and dark hungry eyes peered at Matt as Mello grabbed his waist and bit at the chocolate sticking out of his mouth. Matt’s heart had stopped raging, in fact, he was sure it had stopped beating all together. He just stood there as Mello took the first segment in to his own mouth and bit it off. Matt gulped but held on to chocolate while desperately trying not to bite down, that would result in the middle piece falling to the floor and that would end this wonderful experiment.

Through his jumper Matt could feel the skin where Mello’s hands were start to heat up as if he was infusing the area with electricity. It took all Matt had not to just jump the slightly taller man in front of him. Clearly Mello was not happy with one segment of chocolate and took the next one into his mouth this time pressing his lips against Matt’s in order to get the whole of the segment. He parted slightly in order to eat the actual chocolate. All the blood drained from Matt’s face and appeared to be moving in one steady direction. Mello’s hands still hadn’t moved and that seemed to encourage the area that was hogging all the blood.

Now the only piece left was in Matt’s mouth. That didn’t seem to unsettle Mello to much as once he had eaten the chocolate he pressed himself fully against Matt. Capturing his lips with his own. Matt wouldn’t be more surprised if L returned from the dead to dance the ‘can can’. Mello’s lips were soft against his own and he could taste the bitter sweetness of the chocolate on them. Mello’s tongue traced his lower lip before gently pushing into his mouth. Matt responded, opening his mouth slowly not wanting Mello to get what he wanted too soon. He felt another wave of shock go through him when he felt a hand thread through his red hair causing him to moan in response.

Mello managed to slip the chocolate back in to his own mouth and pulled away from the kiss lingering a little more than would have been expected. He loved chocolate; he didn’t expect to love it more with Matt attached.

‘About time you did something,’ he spoke after eating the chocolate, ‘You better not have thrown the rest of it out. Nothing’s happened on screen?’

Unfortunately for Mello Matt was not in a state to talk, part of him was trying to keep himself from just grabbing him, and kissing him senseless, while the other part was frozen in shock at A, how he kissed him. B, what he said. All of it resulted in ceasing of brain function for Matt, and it didn’t to appear to be returning any time soon.

‘Matt.’ Mello called trying to wake his friend from whatever planet he had drifted to, ‘the surveillance. How was it?’

Part of Matt’s brain took refuge in the familiar routine that Mello presented before him, ‘they followed their routines the same as always.’ He coughed a little as he was sure his voice was a bit higher than usual.

‘Good. My chocolate?’

‘Wardrobe,’ he replied without thinking, still trying to process everything that had happened. He realised it was his own fault but that didn’t make it any less absurd. He was too busy replaying everything that had happened in his mind that he didn’t realise Mello had went and retrieved the chocolate and was now standing before him.

‘Open.’ Matt did as he was told and was shocked if not completely baffled when chocolate was shoved in his mouth. Just when his brain had caught up with the situation Mello’s mouth was on his retrieving said chocolate with a devilish use of his tongue.

‘Chocolate is better this way,’ Mello stated. This time Matt couldn’t control himself, not bothering to wait for another piece of chocolate he grabbed the blonde and pulled him in to him his mouth taking sanctuary in the sweetness of the other. He felt an avalanche of emotion sweep over him as he realised with absolute certainty that he would happily die for Mello and as long as he could keep kissing him like this till that moment, he would die with his life complete. There was nothing more to it. He would even watch the monitors without complaining.

His hand ran through the soft silkiness of the blonde’s hair as he deepened the kiss. Yes, this was definitely worth dying for.